In our quest to get a better insight into our upcoming opponent the New Mexico Lobos we wanted to continue our weekly Q&A segment. Our search for a New Mexico blog didn't reveal any results. Then we tried to track down an actual New Mexico football fan. That was a lot harder then one might think. Finally I posted an ad and offered free pizza to anyone that was willing to help us with this interview.
Only one individual came forward and was willing take to part in this interview but under two conditions: his face was not shown and that he could use a scrambler to disguise his voice. Even though I told this interview wasn't being videotaped he still insisted on those two demands.
So he showed up wearing a paper bag and I had him speak into a Fisher Price microphone/tape player so I couldn't hear his normal voice.
Cowboy Altitude: Thanks so much joining me for this interview. I appreciate you meeting me on such short notice. Grab a slice of pizza if you're hungry and let's get started. My first question is why do you feel you have to be so secretive with your identity? Are you ashamed of being a Lobo fan?
Anonymous Lobo: What the hell man! Where is the mega meat masters supreme pizza I requested? All I see here are cheese and pepperoni.
Cowboy Altitude: You never requested a special pizza when we set up the interview. Plus I was seriously doubting that you were going to show up for the interview. I didn't want spend the extra money on a bunch of toppings that no one would eat. You kept changing the time of when we could finally meet. Just take all the pepperoni from that pizza and put it all on a couple slices. So again, why must you be so secretive?
Anonymous Lobo: Fine man. Let's just get this over with. I'm not ashamed I've just got a reputation to protect. I've been applying for some jobs lately and I don't want to this interview ruin my chances.
< lobo crams a slice of pizza in his mouth>
Cowboy Altitude: Ok, fair enough. How would rate the season so far for the Lobos?
Anonymous Lobo: Oh man, we are doing great. We were undefeated till those damn Aggies beat us last night and we're favorites to win the Mountain West this year. Steve Alford has really put together a great squad this year.
Cowboy Altitude: I'm not talking about basketball here. We're talking about football, remember? You're team is 1-9, has an interim head coach and finally got it's first win of the year last week. Does that ring any bells???
Anonymous Lobo: Oh sure man. I got ya now. Doesn't sound like a great situation.
Cowboy Altitude: So are there any play-makers we should watch out for in this game? Your team won last week so someone be must playing better.
Anonymous Lobo: Oh heck ya. We have some ballers this year. Drew Gooden is a beast in paint. That guy is a double double machine.
Cowboy Altitude: Damn't I told you we weren't talking about basketball here. This is about the football game happening this weekend between Wyoming and New Mexico. Since you don't have anymore home football games this year, are you expecting any Lobo fans to make the trip up Laramie?
Anonymous Lobo: Well Snake had been planning on making the trip but he is currently on an extended stay at the Bernalillo County Metropolitan Detention Center. We hope to have him back by the time the conference schedule starts.
Cowboy Altitude: So it looks you guys just hired Bob Davie to be your next head coach. What do you think of that hire?
Anonymous Lobo: Who is the hell is that? You mean that really boring announcer for ESPN. Oh geez. We had all our hearts set on Mike Leach.
Cowboy Altitude: Wow! You actually answered one of my questions seriously. Great. Well here is another one for you. Why do you think Mike Locksley failed so terribly at New Mexico?
Anonymous Lobo: Uh, because we're New Mexico man. That is what happens here. Didn't you know that? Rocky Long is actually an evil wizard that just played with our emotions by getting us to a bowl game.
Cowboy Altitude: So you're not predicting a great career for Bob Davie at New Mexico?
Anonymous Lobo: Shoot I really don't care how the football team does. I just love going to the PIT, getting crazy and pulling fire alarms.
Cowboy Altitude: Any final statements before we wrap this up?
Anonymous Lobo: Sure do. Hugh Greenwood is going be to Mountain West freshmen of the year. The Lobos will get 30 wins and make it to the final four. And do you mind if I take the rest of this pizza with me? I've got a long bus ride to meet with my parole office.
Cowboy Altitude: Yes, please take the pizza and get out of here.
Anonymous Lobo: One other thing. Can I get a cup of your piss?
Cowboy Altitude: Leave now. Just go.
Disclaimer: This piece is pure satire. I'm sure that Mark "Snake" Tichenor is a fine and upstanding citizen and hasn't served any time in prison.