Why the NFL Draft is More Exciting than the Royal Wedding

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - APRIL 24: Rangers supporters chant as they hold up a souvenir Prince William and Catherine Middleton Royal Wedding Union Jack flag before the Clydesdale Bank Premier League match between Rangers and Celtic at Ibrox Stadium on April 24, 2011 in Glasgow, Scotland. (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

The main two items that are being talked about everywhere this week are the NFL Draft and the Royal Wedding.  These two events will capture millions of eyeballs on both sides of the pond.  Each one has the hype train going at full speed to the point it almost makes you sick.  So with these two colossal events happening on the same day there are bound to be comparisons. 

To end the debate once and for all we present to you:

The top five reasons why the NFL Draft is more exciting than the Royal Wedding.

  • #1 - TV Scheduling

Royal Wedding:  For those of you who didn't want to watch the Royal Wedding then they scheduled it perfectly because your ass will still be in bed.  If you did want to watch then you better set your alarm for 3am if you live on the West Coast.  How disrespectful of the Brits to not have the wedding scheduled for easy prime time viewing for the American audience.

The wedding should be starting at 2 am in London so that Americans can tune in at their leisure.  They must think that this wedding is all about them.  That type of pompous attitude is why the United States declared Independence in the first place!

NFL Draft:  Prime time schedule means you have something to look forward to after work.  Then while you are eating your crappy frozen dinner you can watch incredible athletes become millionaires before your eyes.  Fits much easier into your daily schedule of laziness and sleeping.  Don't want to throw you're perfectly structured daily routine.

  • #2 - Clothing

Royal Wedding:  The dress, the dress! What will Catherine Middleton's dress look like?  That is all women and fashion critics have been talking about the past two weeks.  Here is a spoiler: it will be white and have a bunch fancy lace and beading and it will cost more than your annual salary.  Ladies, you'll never going to a wear a dress like it.

Meanwhile they will show all the members of audience which features all the men are wearing a very plain suit and tie.  You'll also see a lot of old people wearing clothes that came into fashion in the 1800's.

NFL Draft:  There is plenty of brightness and color at the draft to catch your eye.  Athletes come decked out from head to toe in suits you could never pull off.  Also throw in accessories such as bow ties, huge sunglasses, bowler hats and pimp canes.  In 2011 they came dressed to impress or depress.

But there is also even more great fashion to be found in Radio City Music Hall when they show the crowd.  Fat guys wearing jerseys from players that long left there team and disgraced themselves.  There is also at least one person out there that is still sporting their striped Zubaz with the large elastic waistband.   Unfortunately for Wyoming fans they don't sell Zubas in Brown and Gold.

  • #3 -Length of Event

Royal Wedding:  It only lasts a few hours but it will drag on worse than an infomercial about cleansing your colon.  You'll spend hours watching people enter a gigantic church where they will sit painfully still and try not to fall asleep.  Meanwhile officials and speakers will go on long winded oratories that you won't be able to hear because of the TV commentary going on at the same time.

Afterwards you'll spend countless minutes watching people get into and out of buggies at snails pace.  All the buggies will head to Buckingham Palace.  There you will wait forever for the happy couple to come out and give the crowd a wave.  Perhaps even a kiss.  Remember folks this is a wedding, they happen all the time.  Nothing groundbreaking will happen.

NFL Draft:  Three days of picks awaits the dedicated fan who doesn't want to miss a selection.  With the first round occurring on Thursday, second and third rounds on Friday and rounds four through seven taking place on Saturday.  This way the spectator can just view the parts of the draft in bits and pieces if they choose..  Or you can have a three day long event where you soak up all the hours of coverage that lasts more than 10 hours.

  • #4 -Commentators

Royal Wedding:  If you love hearing people speak in hushed tones and go over the same information multiple times then you are in luck.  Watching a wedding on TV is not very riveting and there is plenty of time that the commentators need to fill.  You can switch between several stations that broadcast the wedding but you'll still get the same pointless drivel.

NFL Draft:  You'll have two networks to choose from: ESPN and the NFL network.  For sanity sake you'll be happier watching Rich Eisen on the NFL Network.  If for some reason you're not ready to punch yourself if Mel Kiper Jr and Todd McShay wax poetic on intangibles and quote the size and length of every extremity, then give the world wide leader a shot.  They'll also spoil the draft pick by showing who is getting phones calls before the pick is announced.

No matter what channel you watch it will be a lot easier to disagree with what they say and yell at your TV.  It's a lot easier to boo Al Davis for drafting the "fast" guy then try and diss some old lady for the color of cardigan sweater they wore.

  • #5 -Drinking Games

Royal Wedding:  There a number of drinking games that could be played during the wedding but they only reason you should be up and drinking at that time is because you are still up from the night before.  If you decide that you are ready for some drinking then there are several options for you.  Every time someone with a title is named take a drink: Duke of Edinburgh, Lord of Eddington, Duchess of York.  

Take a drink every time a European celebrity is pointed out that you've never head of before.  And finally, anytime you see a guard wearing a hilarious looking outfit take a drink.  Just don't blame me when you show up to work blasted and have to tell your boss you were playing a Royal Wedding drinking game.

NFL Draft:  This is an event that is much friendlier towards alcohol consumption.  There are so many different terms and analogies being thrown out there, plus different camera shots so you can really spice things ups.  Here is a list of items you could choose to drink to when they happen:

  • Player has "off the field" concerns
  • Player has a "Good Motor"
  • Shot of a team in their War Room
  • Shot of players posse
  • Crying parent
  • Crying player
  • Player thanks God
  • Crowd boos Roger Goodell or anyone else that comes on stage
  • Jets/Giants fans do something stupid
  • Player gets drafted that none of the analysts know anything about
  • Team uses up the entire clock to make a decision
  • We have a trade!
  • New England rips a team off

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